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In this compelling book, Elan Golomb identifies the crux of the emotional and psychological problems of millions of adults. Simply put, the children of narcissist -- offspring of parents whose interest always towered above the most basic needs of their sons and daughters -- share a common belief: They believe they do not have the right to exist.
The difficulties experienced by adult children of narcissists can manifest themselves in many ways: for examples, physical self-loathing that takes form of overeating, anorexia, or bulimia; a self-destructive streak that causes poor job performance and rocky personal relationships; or a struggle with the self that is perpetuated in the adult's interaction with his or her own children. These dilemmas are both common and correctable, Dr. Golomb tells us.
With an empathic blend of scholarship and case studies, along with her own personal narrative of her fight for self, Dr. Golomb plumbs the depths of this problem, revealing its mysterious hold on the affairs of otherwise bright, aware, motivated, and worthy people. Trapped in the Mirror explores.
- the nature of the paralysis and lack of motivation so many adults feel
- stress and its role in exacerbating childhood wrongs
- why do many of our relationships seem to be "reruns" of the past
- how one's body image can be formed by faulty parenting
- how anger must be acknowledge to be overcome
- and, most important, how even the most traumatized self can be healed.
Rooted in a profoundly humanist traditional approach, and suffused with the benefit of the latest knowledge about intrafamily relationships, Trapped in the Mirror offers more than the average self-help book; it is truly the first self-heal book for millions.
- Sales Rank: #15645 in Books
- Brand: William Morrow & Company, Inc.
- Published on: 1995-03-28
- Released on: 1995-03-28
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.25" h x .68" w x 6.13" l, .66 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 272 pages
- Great product!
From Library Journal
It seems reasonable to expect self-help books to accomplish one of three goals: to explain behavior, to assist readers to develop their potential or to change unwanted behavior patterns, or to motivate readers. This book fails on all three counts. People who may be attracted to the concept have probably already realized that their relationship with a self-absorbed parent has caused problems, and they will not learn much else. The suggestions for change are too general to be useful, and the tone is at times spiteful and depressing. Susan Forward and Buck Craig's Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life (Bantam, 1989) covers the same topic in a more positive and helpful fashion. Not recommended.
- Mary Ann Hughes, Washington State Univ. Libs., Pullman
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Kirkus Reviews
A sober study by a clinical psychologist of the destructive legacy that narcissistic parents bequeath to their children and the troubling characteristics those children share as adults. Narcissists behave, Golomb says, as if they are the center of the universe, organizing their lives around denial of negative feelings about themselves. Their children, forced to conform to parental thinking, grow up with a range of subtle emotional disabilities, most commonly a distorted view of their capacities. All too frequently this damaged sense of self-worth interferes with their search for autonomy, their performance, and with their other adult relationships. Golomb, child of a narcissistic father, gives examples from the lives of friends and patients, as well as from her own experiences, and shows how these strained views of reality can be passed along from one generation to the next or can shadow an entire family's happiness. She is particularly adept in discussing why some people persist in the most puzzling behaviors (bankrolling one lover after another, for example) and how they see and defend these patterns. Although Golomb has experimented with meditation techniques and group treatment, she finds psychoanalytic psychotherapy the most consistently helpful set of strategies and suggests ways for adults to approach narcissistic parents and to change the nature of these relationships. ``Narcissism is a tale of codependency,'' she observes. ``If we want to be treated in a different way, the change in treatment must start with how we present ourselves to [narcissists].'' Golomb writes in language more accessible to other therapists than to general readers, unleavened by humor, and without a specific agenda. But difficult as her approach may be, it's sound and ultimately rewarding as well. -- Copyright �1991, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.
About the Author
Elan Golomb is a graduate of Bennington College and earned her Ph.D. in clinical psychology and her certificate in psychoanalysis and psychotherapy from New York University. She has been in private practice in New York since 1972.
Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Written with understanding and compassion
By John T. Robinson
Her writing style was easily understood. Some of the examples were too personalized. Her general observations and insights were helpful. Unfortunately like many of these books it stopped short in the healing realm or how to heal. It is easy to identify narcissistic family traits and that as adults the symptoms of suffering. It is much harder to write about healing which this book barely addresses. Your feelings will be validated but that is as far as it goes.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
The best self-help book ever!
By BranMaxDaddy
This book changed my life! Knowing that I am the child of a narcissist (and probably one as well), helped me truly face my past and help create a positive future. There are so many pearls of wisdom in this book and the stories told are so helpful.
I like to underline interested sentences when I read. Every page in this book has many sentences underlined!
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Well written, extremely insightful.
By JKohl
Excellent read for researching or understanding the issues many adults face who were raised by controlling, narsasistic parent(s).
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